You’ve just been through this tremendous change, a physical and emotional roller coaster in the span of one year. You’re body has done some incredible things, but it is definitely not the same. Now you’re exhausted, your partner is exhausted. You’re probably not even finding enough time to eat three nutritious meals a day. You didn’t shower today, maybe not even yesterday, and you have spit up on your shoulder.
So how in the hell are you supposed to want to expose your naked body to someone else for pleasure?
If you’re like most people, you’re probably avoiding the sex discussion because it just feels like too much. You’re just too tired, and there are a million other things to be done before pleasure can come into the equation.
From your perspective, you’re probably thinking that you need more time, that you’re body will never be yours again. And that’s OK, it is your body, and you’re allowed to take your time. Right now, the baby comes first, but you also need your partner. So even though you may not be ready for sex yet, intimacy is important. It is important to not just feel like “mom”, but to also take those small steps back to being “woman”.
From his perspective, he’s probably noticing that he’s not first in your world anymore. He can see that you don’t even have time for yourself after caring for the baby, and he’s wondering what he can do to help you feel like you again because he wants you again. He wants to feel amazing with the woman he fell in love with.
So, if you need, sit down and have a gentle discussion about how you feel. Really listen to what the other is saying and have compassion. Maybe you’re feeling self conscious about your body, that he will judge you because you don’t look and feel like you did before. But, chances are, if you sit down and talk about it, you’ll find out that he’s in awe of you, and all of your miraculous strength, and thinks you are even sexier than before.
Next, find time for each other. You have to make the time for it,
or it will surely fall on the back burner. Put the baby down for bed and decide you’re going to have a romantic dinner; have your postpartum doula come so that you can get out for a lunch date and a lovely afternoon walk together; call your best friend and see if she’ll take the baby for a couple of hours so you two can see a movie.
Whatever it is that will make you comfortable, do it, because if you want to be successful with this parenting thing, you’re going to have to rely on others for help from time to time.
And, most importantly, when you’re ready, go for it. Have glorious sex. Let the moment lead you. Relax, and remember why you fell in love with this person in the first place.
Plus, oxytocin release is really important for your body and soul right now.
Oh, but don’t forget the birth control because well, you know…