Think of the last time you saw a new mom, did you think to yourself “oh, her belly sure looks jiggly, and her eyes look so tired!”? No, of course not, but every postpartum women looks at herself that way. It’s so hard not to be critical of ourselves. As much as every checkout line magazine would like us to think, bodies do not spring back immediately. This includes your perineum.
For the love of Pete, DO NOT LOOK at your perineum in the early weeks following birth! It’s not going to look like a gorgeous Georgia O’Keeffe for some time.
If Ms. O’Keeffe tried to pass a watermelon through one of her paintings, it wouldn’t look beautifully intact afterwards. Regardless of whether or not you tore, those delicate tissues are going to be a little out of place for some time. Your perineum had the amazing job of stretching, like it never has before, to help bring life to your child. So don’t go grabbing your mirror to check out how things are going because it’s probably not going to be terribly pretty in those first few weeks, and then you’re just going to have one more thing to feel badly about.
There are so many things you can do to help a sore and swollen bottom. Witch hazel pads applied to your itchy external stitches or hemorrhoids can offer a lot of relief. Peri bottles are used to dilute the urine so that there is less of a sting while urinating. It’s important to make time for a sitz bath, which usually lasts about 15 minutes or so, after each time you use the bathroom. A warm compress on the perineum feels excellent and helps bring blood to the area to help restore those tissues. And, finally, taking a stool softener is key for those first few weeks; the more scared you are to poop, the worse it’s going to get.
Even after the tenderness and swelling is gone, your tissues may still look a little stretched, but unless you’re going to be doing some vulva modeling, you’re probably alright just giving yourself some time.
If you have any concerns that things aren’t returning to normal, call your doctor or midwife, they’ll be able to help you, and have a more realistic idea of how things should look down there.
Last but not least, when you do decide to share your private bits with you partner again, use some lube. Your postpartum hormones are kind of wacky (shocker, I know) especially if you’re breastfeeding, so you’re probably not making as much lubrication as you would normally, and since a baby has just come through your vagina, it’s better to heir on the side of caution, and bring some extra lube to the bedroom.
It took 40 weeks for your body to make a baby, so it’s important to remember it’s going to take at least a few weeks to recover, so be gentle on yourself and give yourself some time to bounce back after birth.
Do you know that you can talk to your postpartum doula about your perineum? You may not want to discuss your lady parts with your best friend, or even your partner, but it’s part of our job to help you through these things. We’re not medical professionals, so we’re not offering medical advice, but we’ll be happy to talk to you about your anxiety or fears surrounding your vulva.
note, Georgie O’Keeffe rejects the idea that her paintings look like vulvas, but I disagree.